Jeanne’s Fitness Blog

Recently, a friend lamented that she had not been “perfect” in her adherence to her eating  plan and wondered if she shouldn’t give up a program that was moving her forward in her weight loss quest, since she wasn’t “doing it right.” I replied that it wasn’t about “perfection.” I was referring to the need to balance things in life and that for many things, “pretty darn good” is plenty good enough. Perfectionism is “all or nothing” thinking and it does a couple of things to us. It creates procrastination, avoidance, and causes us to quit striving for things that are achievable in more time or less quantity than meets our inner ideals.

Perfectionism is the thing that said to me “if you can’t be the best, leave the playing field.” Because I was not a naturally talented athlete as a child, I learned that the best idea was to not compete. My attitude became “I’m a klutz, therefore, I read.” In a different era, perhaps my parents would not have let me take the easy way out, but growing up when I did, it was perfectly acceptable for girls to not be active. (Unfortunately, now, it is perfectly acceptable for all kids to not be active!)

Perfectionism is the evil that still says to me “you might fail, if you delay starting, you won’t know.” It’s why I can get lost for days in doing stupid stuff that doesn’t move me forward, and leaves nothing to show for it at the end of the day. It’s the thing that makes me scared to face where I am financially and avoid doing things like taxes and cleaning the house (if it can’t stay like this, why bother).

Perfectionism is the thing that says “if I can’t eat perfectly healthy and clean all the time, I may as well eat this whole cake.” It’s the impulse that starts a diet every Monday morning, lets us pig out all weekend long the weekend before (because we’re going to be perfect starting Monday), and THEN, when we give in to the Dove chocolate someone sticks on our desk, says “oh, well, there goes this week, I’ll start next week.” That trap leads us to gain weight, even while we are on a perpetual “diet.”

Perfectionism is the thing that says “I can’t run as fast as “______,” I’m JUST a jogger.” It’s the part of us that refuses to acknowledge our accomplishments as worthy and continually measures our gains against outside, not inside criteria. It’s the thing in me that says “so-and-so can be 180 lbs and wear size 10 – why can’t I, and I’m a lot lighter than that?” It’s the part that refuses to accept that we have different talents and genetics, but can choose to develop whatever we want to the fullest of our own potential and even beyond, if we choose.

It’s the evil ugly that says “this comes easy for my friend. If I struggle with it, it must be because I am inherently no good.” It’s the voice that says “why can’t you be like your sister (cousin, friend, classmate).”

Perfectionism is what allows us to forgive others (nobody’s perfect, after all), but not ourselves. We don’t even see it in ourselves. Many of us even attribute it to outside forces, even God. How many times have you heard someone say “I can’t go to church. God would strike it with lightning if I walked through the doors.” Yet we KNOW that God is the essence of forgiveness. If God can forgive you your failings, why can’t you forgive them? (And, by the way, who are you to judge yourself more harshly than God does anyway?)

We are works in progress. We can always be better and do better in some area of our lives. We make choices daily as to where to put our efforts today, and sometimes, the right choice is to slack off in one area to put more effort into something else, or even just to be “sluggish” for a bit. Sometimes, life overwhelms us, and we have to step back. Sometimes, the fear is real (failure IS an option).

But, daily, we need to strive to make the right choices, the choices that move us forward. We need to respond to our misfortunate choices in the way that a loving and kind parent or God does. “That’s ok, that wasn’t the best choice.  It didn’t work out the way you’d like. It had consequences you don’t like. But, it’s over, let’s move on.” In this way, we develop ourselves to the best we can be. Maybe not as fast as the “perfect” road would have gotten us there, but the perfect road probably doesn’t exist. You make the mistake, the world doesn’t respond the way you’d like, you zigged when you shoulda zagged. It’s alright. It happens to everyone. It’s about taking the step. Facing the challenge. Finding your courage. Remembering your commitment. Making the change.

Perfect isn’t good enough; it’s too good to be true.